Thursday, January 31, 2013
Sadness...
I feel like such a downer these days, but I need to write to get things off my mind. If you don't want to read, I completely understand.

Things have not been especially rosy around here these days. A week ago today, we got a phone call telling us that Tony's uncle had passed away. This was incredibly surprising since he was the baby of that side of the family and we had no inclination that he wasn't in good health. The man was like another father to Tony and a grandfather to me. He was the kind of person that brightened your day the second you set eyes on him. He had the most amazing smile that rubbed off on me every time I saw his face. The world is definitely a darker place without him here with us. We buried him on Monday...

Then I got word yesterday that my great uncle passed away.

Tony, the boys and I are having a hard time these days. The funk in the air just won't go away. For me, I think it's the awareness of the change of time. An end of an era if you will. My parents were young when they had me, so I really didn't have any grandparents pass away until about 10 years ago. I think I'm just now coming to grips with death. I know it's a part of life and I really don't believe it's the end for us, but I'm just so incredibly overwhelmed with sadness. Along with the sadness is guilt. Are we spending enough time with the people we love? Do we reach out enough to just say I love you? We don't live close to family and we aren't in the situation to travel often, but we do try to keep in touch. I'm pretty sure people are going to get tired of hearing from us now since they are going to get more phone calls and texts than they care to.

I think the other problem is that my sadness goes deeper than me. I'm sad for Tony's mom since she was so close with her baby brother. They used to cut up and get into so much trouble together as kids and really continued that throughout their adult lives. The week before he died, she got to see him more than usual. I am so glad she got that time with him. My great uncle passing makes me incredibly sad for my Little Granny. Ever since her heart attacks, getting out to his direction was extremely difficult and I know she hates that she didn't get to spend more time with him in the end...

I'm kind of living in fear right now. I know that's not a great place to be and I'm really trying to refocus and not fear the future. In all honesty, I know I shouldn't, but I do fear death. Not so much my own, but others. Do we ever feel ready to say goodbye? I know we all have a time here on earth, but I'm having a hard time finding peace with people leaving here. I don't know what the next step is when we leave this place, but I really hope it's with the one's we have loved and lost...




Labels:

posted by Sarena Shasteen - The Non-Dairy Queen @ 7:49 AM  
19 Comments:
  • At January 31, 2013 at 7:55 AM, Blogger Heather Iacobacci-Miller said…

    Hugs Sarena. I wish I could be there to give you a real one. You know how to reach me if you need a shoulder. Love you friend.

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 8:23 AM, Anonymous Lee said…

    I'm sorry Sarena. Death is a very difficult thing to deal with. Hope you and your family are taking care of yourselves during this hard time. *hugs*

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 9:25 AM, Blogger Kristina @ spabettie said…

    you know I am here for you. I don't know what else to say than what I already have - I continue to send love and light your way, comfort and peace to all of you.

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 10:24 AM, Anonymous Lisa said…

    Hey Serena, I'm so sorry for your losses. Your feelings are very familiar to me.

    You said, "The man was like another father to Tony and a grandfather to me. He was the kind of person that brightened your day the second you set eyes on him. He had the most amazing smile that rubbed off on me every time I saw his face."

    I think one way to keep him alive in your hearts is to aspire to be like him. Maybe it's that whole thing---people won't remember the things you did, but they will remember the way you made them feel. I think about this often in regards to my sister. And I'll tell you, 9 years later, it is still sad that she's gone and that our fairy tale won't happen the way we thought---but I can say that I've kept her alive by recognizing what I love about her and bringing more of that into the world.

    Death is scary when you think about losing people you love. I'm sorry you and your family have to go through this. Hugs to you, my friend.

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 10:24 AM, Anonymous Paige @ your trainer paige said…

    Oh Sarena, I am so sorry. Death is a scary, sad, awful thing, and I don't think anyone is good at dealing with it. I wish I could be there to sit with you and hug you. <3

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 10:35 AM, Anonymous Amy B @ Second City Randomness said…

    I'm sorry you're having such a horrible few weeks, my love. Death is an awful thing to experience- especially one after another. I went through a similar experience of multiples in a short span of time and it's one of those things that makes you want to throw your hands up and go "what next???"

    I've got you and your family in my thoughts. Please use this time to remember the good times and to let the boys know how much you love them. It's all you can do. :) xoxo

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anna @ On Anna's Plate said…

    I'm so sorry, Sarena. I'll be thinking about you and your family. I have the same thoughts, living far away from my family-- am I spending enough time with them? Should we be traveling to see them more? It's such a difficult thing to be far away from family, especially during troubling times. My love goes out to you.

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 12:24 PM, Blogger Sylvia Winn said…

    Dear Sarena, Thank you for all the information you provide for those of us who have dairy allergies. I am so very sorry for your loss of your uncles. I don't know if you're a Bible reader bur the Bible calls death an enemy (1 Corinthians 15:26) and I'm sure you would agree with that. I too have lost dear ones close to me and have drawn comfort from the Bible's promise at Revelation 21:4 that soon death, mourning and the pain that goes along with it will soon end. Wouldn't it be wonderful to see our loved ones again? Jesus promised at John 5:28,29 that those who have died will be able to live again on a beautiful paradise earth never to die again. (Luke 23:43)Does the thought of seeing your loved ones again forever free from all illness living on earth when there is no more death, sickness, or violence appeal to you? God promises that this will happen soon on earth where only righteous people will live forever in peace. (Psalm 37:10,11,29) These thoughts have comforted me and I hope they bring comfort to you. Please know you can always take your heartfelt thoughts to God in prayer knowing that He feels your pain and can and will help you. I hope this last thought can help your sadness now, taken from Isaiah 41:10 and 13 where God tells us, Do not be afraid for I am with you. Do not gaze about for I am your God.I will fortify you. I will really help you. I will really keep fast hold of you with my right hand of righteousness. For I,Jehovah your God, am grasping your right hand, the One saying to you, 'Do not be afraid. I myself will help you'. Sarena,death is so painful yet I hope this helps some. If you ever want to talk you can find me at Winn1@ca.rr.com. I'll keep you in my prayers.

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 12:39 PM, Anonymous Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table said…

    Sarena, I am so sorry to hear this sad news. I know that feeling well... when it just hangs in the air and casts a shadow. Lots of hugs to you and yours. Time heals all... even when it seems otherwise. xoxo

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 1:07 PM, Blogger Cotter Crunch said…

    this is part of that mourning process when you truly miss and love someone. I know your heart is heavy and your body is tired. You know we are all here, sending virtual hugs. I'm saying a prayer right now, for comfort for peace. xxoo

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 3:44 PM, Blogger gfe--gluten free easily said…

    I'm so sorry for your losses, Sarena. It's been a year or so of several losses for us, and it's very sobering to say the least. It does take away your joy and make you feel guilty, rushed about more life, more reflective, fearful, etc. There's simply no getting past it by thinking that you should. Again, I am so sorry. Take the time you need, dear. Sending you lots of love and hugs, dear.

    Shirley

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 6:06 PM, Blogger Cara said…

    Sarena, I am so sorry for your losses. Like you, my parents were young when they had me. At 29 years old, I still have all four grandparents living so while I feel very lucky, I also feel very unprepared to other people my age. Sending you lots of hugs, to you and the boys. I'm always here for you!

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 6:08 PM, Blogger Jolene said…

    ((hug)) wow this is such a sad week, so much death lingering in the air this week and reading this makes me sad, and heavy hearted feeling so much for you and those I know that have passed of late. Life is truly fleeting isn't it? You are a good heart, wife, daughter in law, etc, for how much you care and support. truly. XOXO

     
  • At January 31, 2013 at 7:02 PM, Blogger Kat said…

    I can empathize with a certain 'funk' that happens. I'm in a period in my life where the funk and been long and lingering. I know it can be hard to see through. While I've had many good days, the funk comes and goes. Just know that emotions come and go and there will be better days. It's the ebb and flow. We must have contrast to live the other side too.

    I lost my dad 2 years ago my senior year in college, totally unexpectedly. I hadn't seen nor talked to him for a month because I was so busy from school and he lived 6 miles away from me.

    I am the only child and he wasn't married. So I've been responsible for everything and am now living in my childhood home. I haven't been able to find any job for 1.5 years since graduating and it's extremely terrifying thinking that I could loose everything if I don't find employment soon, on top of the continuous nightmares and PTSD. I just know that the only thing to do is continually be brave.

     
  • At February 1, 2013 at 10:59 AM, Anonymous Alisa said…

    I'm so sorry to hear this. Big hugs to you and the boys.

     
  • At February 1, 2013 at 3:25 PM, Anonymous Jess said…

    Oh girl, I am so so with you on many levels in this post. We've been surrounded by sadness too this past week, as you know. My heart hurts for my father-in-law who had to bury his dad this week. A father-in-law who NEVER shows emotion and who I saw for the first time cry his eyes out for all the world to see. A father-in-law that is very much like a father to me. And my husband, the baby of the bunch, trying to be strong for his father and his siblings but also hurting inside. Yes, his gramp was old, yes it was 'his time' but it doesn't make it easier. Just like the death you've experienced this week as well. It just leaves that heavy, sad, empty feeling. And like you said, it does make you feel sort of afraid of death in a away. I sometimes lie awake thinking about losing loved ones and I admit that it's weak of me to think this way instead of living in faith, trusting that my loved ones will be around when I wake up in the morning. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs and strength -- tons of it. xoxo

     
  • At February 3, 2013 at 4:25 PM, Blogger Heather said…

    Oh, Sarena, I'm so sorry for your loss. Hug your family a little tighter today than you did yesterday - I'm sure they need it as much as you do.
    xoxoxo

     
  • At February 4, 2013 at 11:08 AM, Blogger Amanda - RunToTheFinish said…

    so so sorry you are dealing with so many emotional things all at once. I always wish there were words that could reach through the screen and hug someone. But instead I'll just say, know we've all been there and all pulled through and in time you'll start to find little things each day that feel better...and slowly you'll realize that you feel better and that it's ok to feel better because your being sad won't make his mom happy and won't bring them back.

    lot's of love to you

     
  • At February 4, 2013 at 6:13 PM, Blogger Stephanie P said…

    <3

     
Post a Comment
<< Home
 

Name:
Sarena Shasteen - The Non-Dairy Queen
Home: Atlanta, GA, United States
About Me: Lactose Challenged
See my complete profile

Previous Post
Archives
Links
Blogs I Like