Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Overcoming My Fears...

Confession, I let fear hold me back. I have a feeling I'm not alone in this. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in myself and my abilities (in some areas), but I have always given in to my fears. Sadly, this has held me back in the past. This last year has taught me a lot about who I am and how strong I am. Some day I will share more about the details of how I've physically gotten where I am today. I haven't been dealt the best hand as far as health goes. It's not the worst hand either, so I am thankful for that. These are things we have to learn to deal with. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? I gave up on myself in the past because I thought I was a lesser person for this hand I was dealt. I stayed in my safe zone and told myself that was where I needed to stay.

I don't know why, but this past year, I dipped my toe into the unknown and stepped out of that safe zone. Well, there may have been a little pushing from Tony to get me there, but it was a much needed push that helped me see the possibilities. In the past year I have completed my Specialist in Fitness Nutrition Certification, gotten my Personal Training Certification, built a business for this and started running! This year has empowered me mentally and physically!

The food, nutrition and exercising are not new to me. They have always been a part of my life. The certifications give me the credibility to put my knowledge to work and that feels great. Coaching people and helping them achieve their health and fitness goals makes me happy. I love sharing these personal journeys with others and finding what works for them to help them achieve these goals.

The running...well, that is new to me. I talked about my taking on this new journey to running back in June. Honestly, I started running for work. Not to make money for my runs, but so I could help coach others to achieve there goals in running. I have always hated running. I have taken some form of dance since I was a toddler and then moved on to aerobics when I couldn't take dance any longer due to school activities. I think some people are born runners and others, like me, were made to do other forms of exercise. I LOVE cardio interval training and I LOVE strength training of any kind. At any time of day, if you ask me if I want to workout, I will gladly go with you. However, in the past, if this meant running, I would have laughed. You see running isn't in me. Most people think that running should be or is easy since it's one of the most basic natural forms of exercise. I mean, really, all you need are shoes and some time, right? Um, not for me. For me, this was more of a mental struggle. I felt heavy, distracted and even bored. Then it dawned on me...running is a mental exercise. It's all about you getting along with your body and your thoughts. My brain wanders regularly. This is why I'm not great at reading most of the time or going to sleep for the most part. When the silence sets in, my brain starts to churn with worry, ideas (mostly cooking), the kids, the laundry, taxes, work...not the peaceful place it should be.

So, I started on this journey to learn how to run technically in order to teach my clients. I realized pretty quickly that this meant I was learning how to let go of things. The light bulb totally went off about 4 weeks ago. I realized that if I let go of everything, with proper knowledge of form and with the right shoes (Thank you Mizuno and Stuft Mama for my amazing shoes and including me in the Mezamashii Project! My feet and legs love you!) I could actually be a runner! No, I don't run for miles or time. No, I don't run to be in the cool club of runners (although I have found an incredible virtual support group that I can't deny feels amazing to run with! Heather, Jess, Jolene, Dory, Kristina, Amber, Melissa and Lindsay = pure inspiration). I run for me. This is my time to let go and actually be free of everything! Even though this is my peaceful time, ironically, I don't like to run alone. I know, weird. Tony is my running buddy. The man was actually born to run. His legs are little running machines! It's not fair, but I can out jazzercise him any day (that's what he thinks cardio other than running hat and all). You should see his version of what I do...totally cracks me up. I pray I don't actually look like that, but I probably do. Now I need my group aerobics certification...a girl can dream!

Ok, I know this is going long, but I guess after having so much time to think lately, I've got a lot to type! So, for the first time in my life I actually feel like a runner! My legs crave the movement and my heart craves the endorphins from the run! I know what most of you are thinking...either "great another runner going on her crazy run talks" or "yay, now it's time for marathon training". Well, no, I'm not doing either. I am a reformed running hater for sure, but there are no marathons in my future. Now, maybe some 5k events, if I work up the courage, but I'm happy with where I'm at right now. I love my runs and I can finally set out to run and feel good doing it. That's all I ever wanted from it.

Ok, give it to you let your fears hold you back? Ever taken a chance and come out better for it?

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posted by Sarena Shasteen - The Non-Dairy Queen @ 6:00 AM  
  • At September 5, 2012 at 6:54 AM, Blogger Cotter Crunch said…

    you know this is my absolute favorite post! why? because i know you must have thought about it for a while. I know we've shared such a similar journey. You are a runner because you embrace the movement. The legs do the work and you appreciate that. You have learned to appreciate your health more and be grateful for overcoming those fears! LOVE IT!

  • At September 5, 2012 at 7:13 AM, Anonymous Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table said…

    I love that you started running for you clients. That's some dedication! :)

    Running seems to be this way for a lot of people. I know it was for me! I used to hate to run but those endorphins are addicting. Proud of you!

  • At September 5, 2012 at 8:08 AM, Anonymous Amy B @ Second City Randomness said…

    I'm always so happy when people find enjoyment in running. It's not for everyone. I know that. But it's an activity that not only keeps people active and healthy, it's a wonderful stress release. And for that, I'm very thankful. :)

    Happy Wednesday!

  • At September 5, 2012 at 9:23 AM, Anonymous Jess said…

    SO agree with Lindsay's comment -- this is my absolute favorite post from you EVER. It is so honest, so real, so INSPIRED. I didn't realize why you started running to begin with but I LOVE how it's evolved into something much bigger than doing it just for work-- you're now running for you, but also for that 'couple time' with Tony at the same time. I LOVE that time together as you know. And um, just so you know? Running does NOT come easily to me, I am no gazelle out there but I don't care. I love to run today because its just part of who I am, it makes me feel alive in an incredible way. It's such a blessing. I am SO glad to have met you and to have seen you along your journey recently - AND to have you as one of my running sherpas is just a beautiful thing. xo!

  • At September 5, 2012 at 9:25 AM, Blogger Heather said…

    Yay!! I'm so so so happy to read this!
    That runners high is addicting, right?? :)

  • At September 5, 2012 at 10:43 AM, Blogger Christina said…

    great post! i love that you're putting your all into it and just doing it! best of luck to you!!

  • At September 5, 2012 at 1:35 PM, Blogger Jolene said…

    love love looooove this! So glad you shared your thoughts (and fears) on this because honestly? I'm SO similar to you in this and it took me a LONG time to get to this place. not to run for any other reason but me. not for miles, not for races, not to be 'cool' (though our sherpa crew IS COOL!), just me. It is peaceful running now, isn't it? LOVE THIS!

  • At September 5, 2012 at 2:12 PM, Blogger Heather Iacobacci-Miller said…

    "I run for me. This is my time to let go and actually be free of everything!" <--- YES that's when it hit me that I enjoyed running. I stopped thinking so damn much. I stopped planning, plotting, scheduling and just enjoyed it. It's not always easy, but man those good runs make up for any crappy ones (that and runner's amnesia LOL). I love this journey you've been on. It's so cool to hear how others find their joy for running.

  • At September 5, 2012 at 6:19 PM, Anonymous Kristina said…

    oh, my friend, I love this! I love that you crave it - you've had that high and now you're hooked!

    I have not "been dealt the best hand" either - and after one diagnosis I subconsciously told myself I could no longer be active, do what I have done all my life. It took a while for me to get back up... but I am and I'm proving my subconscious self wrong! :)

  • At September 6, 2012 at 1:12 AM, Anonymous STUFT Mama said…

    You are just amazing. I love that you have falling in love with running and I love that Tony runs with you. And friend, yes, I let fear hold me back all the time. I'm so proud of all you've accomplished. You are so going to get your group instructor certification next. You are an amazing friend and dedicated trainer. Anyone who has you in their life is lucky. Thanks for a little perspective today. HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait until we can run together someday!!!

  • At September 6, 2012 at 10:43 AM, Anonymous purelytwins said…

    Love this post! You spoke right to what we think about all the time. Our fears. And how we sometimes let your fears hold us back! We are slowing getting over some of our fears as well :)
    What was the program again that you got your PT certificate from? We are still figuring out what to do for ours :)

  • At September 7, 2012 at 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anna @ On Anna's Plate said…

    I love this post. I DO let fear hold me back sometimes, but lately, I've been having more of a "fuck it, I'm trying it!!!" attitude (pardon the language). Honestly, I kind of think some of that comes with being a parent, strangely. I feel like I'm much less likely to get embarrassed or intimidated by something these days, for whatever reason.

    Good for you for getting out there!!

  • At September 8, 2012 at 2:41 PM, Anonymous Simply Life said…

    wow! sounds like you've had quite the year! congrats of stepping into the unknown and accomplishing so many new things!

  • At September 9, 2012 at 12:03 PM, Anonymous Heather @ Kiss My Broccoli said…

    Love this! So happy that you found something that allows you to just "let go" of everything! We all need that. Running...or any steady state cardio is like that for me too. I know for a lot of people, yoga is their mental time, but try as I might, I can never get past that block...I'm always thinking about things to do...meals to in the world the person next to me has their nose on their shin! ;) I guess when I'm running, I'm focussing on the movement, but everything else just seems to back off for the time being. And even though I don't run as much as I did this time last year, I LOVE how my legs still get that "itch"! Just a few weeks ago, I got up and ran 4 miles like it was good to know I've still got it! :D

    Not really sure if it's fear that holds me back from things as much as it's my feeling of complacency. There area few things in my life that I'm not exactly happy with, but I can live with them. And I guess the thought of change seems so uncomfortable and upsetting that I'd rather just stay in the land of the "blah"...

    On a happier note (because I hate to end a comment like that), I'm totally cracking up over the image I'm getting in my head of Tony jazzercising! Lol

  • At September 9, 2012 at 3:43 PM, Anonymous Alisa said…

    Of all the people I know, you aren't one who I would ever say lets her fear hold her back! Give yourself some credit my dear, you are one gutsy lady! We all have stuff we hesitate on, but you take more action than the average person. Glad you are enjoying the running!!

  • At September 10, 2012 at 6:10 AM, Blogger Farty Girl said…

    I have been so curious what you have been up to, when you mention being busy. Starting your own business is exciting! I bet it's rewarding too. Congrats!

    Congrats on becoming a runner too! Like you, I struggled with running for years, probably for a lot of the same reasons. It's very boring! Once I included music, it got a lot easier. I write in my head along with music. So now, while I'm trucking along, I'm thinking of storylines attached to the songs. That helps!

    I agree with what was said above. Running for your clients shows that you are dedicated - not only to them but to doing a great job. They are lucky to have ya!

  • At September 10, 2012 at 9:10 PM, Anonymous dorry said…

    I love this! I go through ups and downs dealing with fear, and letting it hold me back in life. I certainly can relate, and I also know how rewarding it is when we can let go of the fear (of failure, I suppose?), get out of our comfort zone and do something we didn't think possible. I Congrats on everything you've accomplished!

  • At September 19, 2012 at 1:01 AM, Anonymous Melissa said…

    It's terrible that this is the first time I'm commenting here, but hey, better late than never? ;)

    "When the silence sets in, my brain starts to churn with worry, ideas (mostly cooking), the kids, the laundry, taxes, work...not the peaceful place it should be." This spoke words to me...silence is sometimes the hardest time of day for me. When the kids go to bed and it's quiet, there are often times where I sit here with all this stuff I need to get done/want to do, and I suddenly feel lost. Where do I start? What's more important? I can't focus. I'm tired, I know I am. I should go to bed...and that's a place where I have the most difficulty! God forbid I wake up in the middle of the night - I think about the most random things, and often times it's about what I worry about the most: family & money.

    Running has been the same for me. It doesn't come easy for me at all. Even almost three years into my journey, I have taken enough time off randomly to set myself back, and then the journey starts all over again. I suppose consistency is tough for me when I don't have a goal in sight.

    I love this post, and I would have so much more to say, but I'd like to avoid writing an entire post on your blog. lol

    PS: Thanks for the love...such a great group of ladies to know. <3

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Sarena Shasteen - The Non-Dairy Queen
Home: Atlanta, GA, United States
About Me: Lactose Challenged
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